When I picked up the phone yesterday, my friend asked if I was sick. I sounded very nasally. I wish I could have said that I was catching a cold, the discomfort would have been much easier to deal with than how I truly felt. I confessed I was sitting in my car sobbing over the very devastating news to the pro-life community. Unless you live under a rock, I will assume you’ve heard about New York passing the Reproductive Health Act, which will allow pregnant women the right to late term abortions for any reason. The vote passed 38-28. In pro-life terms, that is a landslide. The cheers erupting from the audience was nauseating.

I pray the Reproductive Health Act wakes the church body up from its slumber.

I left a career in Forensics to served as an Executive Director of a Crisis Pregnancy Center. I had this image in my head of being a hero, kissing the heads of all these sweet babies I had helped save and the church coming around us in the fight for life. Turns out, I wasn’t the hero many times. I was the one who got cussed out because I cut off diaper pick-ups to clients abusing the center’s services. I was the one being told by pastors they couldn’t support us or allow us in to talk to their congregation out of fear of offending someone who may be post-abortive. No, I wasn’t a hero. In fact, I was someone many just wanted to go away. Year three, I quit.

I grew frustrated. I felt helpless. I just wanted to forget.

Later on, I would go back to serve as a Youth and College Counselor and stay there until my husband’s job moved us. The support from my Director and the staff was such a blessing. However, it was still hard. I felt like the programs I had created were not on track with our cause, but had no idea how or what to change. And though I loved my job and the opportunity it afforded me to work with young adults, I was secretly relieved when it ended. I told myself, this time, I was done. No more serving.

Since then, I have grown apathetic. I have felt complacent. But worse than anything, I have forgotten what was at stake.

Yesterday, I repented for walking away when it got hard. Yesterday, I cried tears of remorse and anger for the lives who would never have the chance to continue to live outside the womb.

Yesterday, I remembered.

I shared on Facebook a list of Summit resources to help navigate the pro-life conversation. I think it’s a start, but is far from the solution. I myself, am going to have to retrain how I approach the discussion. Personally, I need to dust the sand off and cover up the hole my heads been stuck in for the past seven years! (The thought of a seven-year silence makes me sick to my stomach.)

And though I am sure there’s a million different things I could put on this list, I think its time the church and pregnancy centers consider a few things:

• Funds need to be allocated differently in Crisis Centers.

I am going to say this, but please know I mean no disrespect. However, I have been on the receiving end of many telephone calls as an E.D. pertaining to this issue, so I do feel like I have an advantage.

Crisis Center’s goals should be to go medical (if at all possible). We must have a better reason than free diapers and parenting classes for a woman in crisis to consider us. As someone who almost aborted her daughter, I was not concerned with where the diapers were going to come from after I delivered. I was wondering how far along I was and how to get up the money to get an abortion. It was the rapid heartbeat I heard from an ultrasound that stopped me in my tracks and the strong solid voice of my boyfriend. Crisis Centers are not and should not only be centers for free diapers and parenting classes. If that is all you are currently operating as, I humbly tell you that the center is operating well under its potential and community need.

• Time, money and energy must be spent on educating and equipping the pro-life community and future pro-lifers.

Pro-life apologetics should be taught in the schools, in the churches and to any and all affiliated to the pro-life movement. If you don’t know how to talk about it, most likely you will be shamed into silence or enabled. Organizations like the Life Training Institute train people to persuasively communicate the pro-life message.

Equip your community as an extension of your center! I can assure you it will only help inside the center’s walls as well!

I’m at the point in life that I say put up or shut up! If pro-life issues are as important to us as we claim them to be, then let’s take the initiative and learn how to actively engage the community where we are.

• The church must be willing to step up in a pretty substantial way.

We need to get off our knees and put some feet to those prayers. I’m not saying don’t pray, but if I’m honest, I think we use prayer as an excuse not to act sometimes. There are things to pray about and then there’s things to act upon. We know, clearly, where the Word stands on issues of life. The Word makes it very clear in Who’s image in which we are made. There’s no need to spend another second on your knees asking if we need to do something. We are all called to stand up and take care of the orphans and widows….this isn’t just for the pastors! Yes, pray! Please pray! But there is so much more we can do.

So what do we do? Maybe #4, #5 and #6 can help direct.

• Volunteer. Financially support. Adopt. Foster.

I had to ask a very hard question to myself yesterday. Am I willing to do more? Am I willing to step out of my comfort zone and step in for a mother in crisis? If we are saying all lives matter, then we must be willing to step in when a mother and father cannot or will not. The idea of fostering or adopting freaks me out. I am selfish. I admit. I just now got to the point where my children are fully functional. In a few short years, they will be gone. I often joke I will be free when they do! (We all know that never truly happens!)

In all seriousness, I had to ask myself if I truly believe what I write. Is all life precious? If so, would I open my home to a mom in crisis? Would I serve in a capacity that was hard and inconvenient? Would I speak up even if I faced backlash or felt ostracized for my beliefs? Would I be willing to forgo a comfort so that money goes to funding a medical facility or an adoption? Before we can make changes, we have to look at where our hearts truly are.

• We need counseling for post-abortive women sitting in our very church pews.

There’s a lot of hurt in our churches. They teach our children. They sing in our choirs. Yet, we really don’t see them. Before we can help heal our community, healing must take place within the church. While serving as an E.D. , I worked closely with my churches youth group. It was during that time I had mother after mother approached me and share their own personal story of abortion. It hit me like a ton of bricks. There are so many in our pews holding on to this secret and the enemy has shamed them into silence. As an extension of the crisis centers, we need to offer private and group post-abortive counseling. We must foster a place of healing by offering the gospel to the skeptic and the saved. After all, it’s for all of us!

The Gospel is for skeptic and the saved!

Check with your local church and crisis center. Do they have a post-abortive ministry? Maybe that’s where you implement #4.

• Bring back the men.

We need their voices.  We have taken the right of the fathers away. I shared how an ultrasound stopped me in my tracks, but the resounding voice of reassurance wasn’t from the nurse but my boyfriend. In my post, The Missing Voices in the Pro-life Movement, I share my full journey. A journey walked out with the father of my children. I understand I am one of the blessed ones and my children are deeply blessed to have such a great father in their lives. I know it doesn’t work out like that for many, but that can change. We live in a society that has emasculated men, almost making them irrelevant. The sins of a few have been the removal of all. We need men to disciple. We need to remind them their voices are relevant and desperately needed.  We need them in the church and the crisis centers as much as we need them on the front lawns with their children.

Lord, wake us up. Give us courage to stand in the gap and strength to continue for the cause.

The post What the Church and Crisis Pregnancy Centers Need to Do Now. appeared first on A Life Inspired.

I hated that job.

It wasn’t what I had studied to do and quite honestly, my boss and I were like oil and water. We did not mix. I would make suggestions on how to be more efficient and all I’d get in return were insults and push back. If I mentioned my degrees could be utilized in a specific task area, the usual response was “He didn’t give a damn how many fancy degrees I held.” I remember hoping one day I’d have the chance to be around those educated and trained in my specific field of study. Then, everything would be alright.

I’d find my people.

Fast forward a few years and I finally got that big break. I was a ball of nerves my first day. All I could think about as I pulled up in the parking lot was how awesome it was going to be getting to work alongside the brilliant minds of those in my field. Finally, I would have mentors who understood my passion and would be eager to teach me all they knew.

I thought I had found my people.

It did not take long to realize I was in uncharted waters. Can I just be honest and say my welcoming was a degree warmer than freezing?! Besides my boss and two fellow trainees, I felt unwelcomed. And it didn’t take me long to realize there would not be any mentoring, but a silent competition that never seemed to end. Who was smarter? Who could finish their cases first? Who was more official?

They were not my people after all.

Fast forward a few more years, and I found myself struggling in my faith. I had grown up in a Southern Baptist church and knew the bible stories like the back of my hand. As I got older, I had questions that never seemed to find an answer. My teenage years were riddled with doubts about God. By my late twenties, I stepped away from anything associated with Christianity, arguing no one seemed to know what they believed. I am ashamed to share this, but for the next few years, I did my best to intellectually annihilate anyone holding the title of Christian. Not to any surprise, I learned most believers had no clue what they believed or why. They were easy targets.

I did not want them to be my people.

By my early thirties, I felt totally lost. Atheism was not my answer after all. A brave friend approached me one day and encouraged me to rediscover what I believed, even if I was afraid what that may actually be. I took the challenge, my sole intention to finally nail the coffin shut on Christianity. And in my quest to lose God completely, I found Him. I became a follower at age 32. It was life changing, as it should have been.  I no longer wanted to be isolated from the body of believers.

I sought out my people.

Apologetics played a huge role in helping me work out those areas of doubt in my faith. It still plays a huge role in the ministry which I serve and my personal writing. However, I think I’m ready to address something that has bothered me for the past several years as I go deeper in my walk with the Lord.

My people can be intellectual bullies.

Just like my two previously mentioned employers, I was disappointed to see the attitudes and actions of my fellow believers. I would join apologetic groups on social media, elated to finally have a place to ask questions and encourage one another. Instead, what I experienced was another place for the intellectual astute to flex their muscles. Another platform to chide one another or sarcastically tear down the lesser of the minds.

Look how smart I am. I use words that no one else knows. I talk AT you not TO you.

My heart broke. And I will share something else, it has made me fearful to ask questions. Who wants to be talked down to or totally brushed off because you don’t know as much? I read the discussion posts and I saw the true heart behind some great minds. This wasn’t arguing like I wrote about. This was a tearing down to build oneself up. It was sad.

And you could forget me ever sharing any of my articles with the apologetic community. Terrified does not begin to describe! I saw the storm of insults other writers were getting. I still watch as wonderful, godly men and women receive email after email of crude insults…and its not from skeptics, but fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

What happened to us, as believers, applying the last of 1 Peter 3:15 even when we disagree? Where’s the gentleness and respect?

Apologetics is not about winning an argument for the sake of winning. It’s a chance to show those seeking answers that TRUTH is found in Christ. And we do this by gracious words, soft answers. As followers of Christ (not just apologists) we are called to build one another up, to encourage and equip. Let’s not allow our egos to get in the way of sharing the gospel.

Can we all just check our hearts and ask Abba to reveal what needs to be purged? Maybe it’s arrogance? Maybe its fear of being wrong or not being in control? For me, personally, it is my fear of looking ignorant.

I want to do better in 2019 and steward those God has placed in to my community, to lead without fear and to walk confident in my God, not myself!

A few verses to meditate on as you prepare toargue the case for Christ!

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Proverbs 16:24

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Colossians 4:6

Note: Even in times I have struggled to find my people, online, I have always found precious, hidden gems in the apologetic circles. Here’s a few to join if you are seeking!

Natasha Crain

Alisa Childers

Mama Bear Apologetics

Christian Women Apologists

The post Difficulty of Finding Your People appeared first on A Life Inspired.

I’m always learning. Always pushing myself to grow in my walk, all while challenging my readers. And though I do not usually have a “word of the year” I will say the word Reconnect continues to surface in my conversations and my prayer and study time.

This year, I want to reconnect with Abba. It’s easy to get to a point in your spiritual walk that you become complacent. It’s easy to think there’s simply nothing else to learn and no deeper way to connect. I want to challenge you this year to rethink this mind set!

I also want to reconnect with my readers. Over the last few years, I have grown in my audience. For this, I am so grateful. However, connecting to hundreds of people has had its difficulties. Throw in the algorithm changes on social media and its almost impossible to know if your words are being read.

When I share my thoughts online, I sometimes notice a shift in my social media numbers. It use to “hurt my feelings” when I got an unfollow. I would question what I did wrong. But honestly, no one did anything. Sometimes, your readers change and that’s a good thing for both parties. If my writing is not something you need, I get why you may hit the unfollow button. However, it has also shown me there’s no better way to personally reconnect with readers than through my newsletter. You read, you share and then new ALI family come along side of me on my journey (thank you)!

I want connection. I want real. I want each of you to have the chance to come directly to me through the newsletter. It’s nice having a small group of readers to share things that no one else knows!

So, let me encourage you to sign up for (usually) monthly newsletter updates. It goes straight to your inbox and can hang out until you’re ready to read it. This is where you will find the latest information about my next book and some insights I don’t share with just anyone.

I hope to have you part of the ALI online newsletter community!

Here’s a few past editions to get you started:

A Change of Audience/ January 2019

When Life Seems Unclear/ October 2018

Theology, Productivity and Discipleship/ September 201B

Desponding in Love to Difficult People/ June 2018

Photoshopped Faith/ May 2018

The post It’s Been Quiet but Here’s the Reason…. appeared first on A Life Inspired.

The post Identifying Unhealthy Boundaries appeared first on A Life Inspired.

I had the honor to Skype a church group in New York not too long ago. We had a great conversation about the topics outlined in my book. During our Q&A, a woman asked me how I approached seeking counsel from other believers on matters of my family and spiritual life. It gave me pause.

How did I seek wise counsel in my life?

In a world that is very much online, with information and “counsel” at our very fingertips 24/7, it is easy to be over-counseled. I read a quote from Louie Giglio that read, “Our world is drowning in information, but starving for wisdom.”

Our world is drowning in information, but starving for wisdom.- Louie Giglio
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Wisdom. I think most of us are seeking wisdom yet we fall short. We have plenty of information being given to us by people who probably truly think they are being wise in how they are counseling. Yet, I urge us to be careful in the counsel we seek.

I will confess that I can be a “counsel shopper”! I have a need and I text or talk to four or five of my dearest girlfriends. And usually in the time I send out my first S.O.S. the Great Counselor begins to speak to me through God’s word and in my moments of still (If I will just stay still!). And usually this is the time all my counselors come back with their advice, exactly as I had asked! The problem is  it often leads to doubt and confusion when just a few moments before I had my answer.

I have lots of knowledge, but I lack wisdom. I see answers but I don’t want to wait for them.

There is no doubt that God will use the counsel of believers around you to guide. I cannot tell you how many times He has used a friend’s counsel to affirm what He was saying. I am so thankful for those friends who are sensitive and mature enough to obediently listen and speak to me! However, man’s counsel should never take the place of the Great Counselor.(John 14:16-18).

Man’s counsel should never take the place of the Great Counselor.
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A few key points to ponder before accepting the counsel around you:

1. Make sure you have sought the counsel of the Great Counselor first.

It is easy to skip this step because often you don’t get immediate answers or the answers you sought. God has this pesky way of exerting His will over yours! And when you have the answers you seek, we must be mature enough not to continue shopping around or questioning what you already know.

2. Look at the lifestyle of those you seek counsel.

Are they living out what they are dishing out? I share this example often, but if you were seeking advice on how to lose weight and change your lifestyle, would you take the counsel of a morbidly obese person who clearly does not follow his own advice? I am challenged daily to live out what I speak out. If we don’t, then our counsel is wasted.

Live out what you speak out!
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3. Have you truth checked their advice?

Counsel is great but it should never contradict God’s word. If another believer is seeking advice about divorce, then the counsel he/she receives should never go against what the Word says about divorce. Be careful not to fall victim to counsel that only tickles your ears.

What would you add?

Here is another article I found useful! It provides a Q&A and shares the scriptures to pray over. Be blessed!

The post Seeking Wise Counsel appeared first on A Life Inspired.

Confession:  In heated moments, I have made very rude comments about others in front of my children. I never thought much of my venting until I experienced how my rants drastically changed my children’s viewpoints of that particular person or situation.

>>>>>

I woke in a bad mood one day last semester. It stemmed mainly from a lack of sleep on my end. When I’m tired, I have this bad tendency to look for anything to complain about to excuse my mood. On that particular day, I picked my child’s teacher to face my passive aggressive ranting.

As we entered the classroom, I noticed she was late. I began complaining under my breath about tardiness and irresponsibility.

The class started, a few minutes late, but the lesson was completed thoroughly and I left being in a better mood. (Good teaching does that to me!) Sadly though, the damage was already done. The next time the teacher was late, my children chimed in about her tardiness and irresponsibility. My previous ranting left their view of her very tainted.

The sweet godly woman did not deserve to be disrespected. She was rarely late and there was nothing about this woman’s lifestyle that screamed irresponsible. She always went above and beyond for her students, mine included.

As parents, I am sure you’ve done this yourself….or am I the only one imperfect?

We speak before we think.

We react before we pray.

We assume without all the facts.

And often, our children are the conduits in which all of this negativity flows. And it is only after we hear it come from the mouth of our children that we realize how damaging our words have been.

Our children are the conduits in which all of this negativity flows.
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You know what I’m talking about. I know you do. You’ve heard the tainted words of a child and thought to yourself, “They heard their parents say that!” There are just some things that a child catches without being taught.

Let me get real for a second.

The reason we have bullies is often because the parents are bullies.

The reason our daughters are catty and rude to other females is because we are.

The reason our sons are disrespectful to others is because we allow it.

The reason there is division and jealousy is because we, as the adults,  have created unnecessary division and yes, we too, are jealous.

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“Parents, more is caught than taught. Our attitudes and words are two of them.”
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We’ve all done it. I have created so much unnecessary strife because I didn’t realize how much of my actions caused my child’s reaction.

I didn’t realize how much of my actions caused my child’s reaction.
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It breaks my heart, actually.

In my book, Walking the Talk: A Parent’s Guide to Intimacy and Healthy Relationships, I address this topic from a body image standpoint. I encourage parents to be acutely aware of what they say about themselves and others around them. The kids can hear you say one thing but your actions speak something totally different. And what we do, right or wrong, is what our children view as acceptable.

What we do, right or wrong, is what our children view as acceptable.
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Isn’t there enough bad in the world right now? Isn’t there enough division already? Can’t we learn to be conduits of peace and speakers of life instead of death?

Can’t we be conduits of peace and speakers of life instead of death?
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“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Proverbs 18:21

The post Parents: More Is Caught than Taught appeared first on A Life Inspired.

My friend and I sat across from one another in her bedroom. Earlier that evening, I had gone to visit her church to listen to a guest speaker we both admired. From the time I got there, she was being pulled in a billion different directions. We could barely walk past a pew without someone reaching out for her. I had spoken at her church before so I was familiar with the families there. It didn’t take long before I fell in step with her and jumped in to help man the book table. It’s easy for us to serve. It’s one of the reasons we have grown so close in our friendship.

We are both Marthas.

As we left the church, several approached my friend about teaching a bible study. I watched as she answered question after question and filtered request after request. (Make sure you offer the study on Wednesday, not Sunday. I don’t want to be out late so make sure it’s not past 6 p.m.) I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to share a word of encouragement with her.

Before you commit, pray.
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When we got to her home, we headed for the sacred conversational spot, her bedroom couch. With the closed-door, we shed the personas we tend to carry around and just go honest.

” I want to be a Mary. I’m tired of being a Martha.” I confessed.

She knew what I meant. I could see the struggle in her own eyes as she processed what I had just said. Her eyes said it all and in one sentence, she summed up both our fears.

“But people don’t like a Mary, they want a Martha.”

At the Home of Martha and Mary

³⁸ As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Bible Gateway)

There has been a lot of things going on in my life lately that has me reflecting. Right before much of it happened, I felt a deep sense to meditate on Psalms 27:4. It kind of became my 2018 motto: Dwell, Gaze and Seek.

I contribute my ability to keep my sanity over the last few months because of this posture. Had I not been dwelling in Abba’s presence, gazing on His face and seeking His will and purpose, I don’t know if I would have responded in the ways I have lately. I was sitting at His feet. For once in a long time, I was a Mary.

We must all push past this internal desire to please. It is the reason, if we are honest, why many of us serve the way we do. We don’t want to disappoint. We don’t want to have to say no. We don’t want people thinking we are lazy or don’t care (that’s my greatest fear). And my favorite, we see a need and think, if I don’t who will?! (This particular mentality is my kryptonite!)

Look, I am not saying there are not times we serve. And I am not saying there is anything wrong with a Martha heart, but often times, we prioritize our serving over our sitting.

Sometimes, we prioritize our serving over our sitting.
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And if its one thing I have learned it’s that when God speaks to us, it is in a whisper. If we are frantically moving about, how are we ever going to hear what He is saying to us? How do we know where to serve if we never ask Him and sit still long enough to actually get a response?

You won’t make everyone happy. Many won’t understand what you are doing or why you are not doing. I’m the first to attest you will offend and will most likely be in the gossip mill. But just remember, we all must choose not only what is good, but what is best. The best is always Jesus.

Here’s some practical advice when your inner Martha flares up:

1. When there is a request of you, give yourself at least a 48 hour buffer. In this time, pray about it. Your desire to say yes often goes away once you have time to reflect and not just respond. I have struggled badly in this area of my life. I found myself being the first to respond to a dinner invitation, only to wish I had never RSVP. And honestly, it makes it worse on your relationships because you end up standing people up and breaking your promises. It’s better just to pass. If they get mad or make you feel bad, maybe its time to find another group.
2. Take a realistic look at your schedule. Can you actually add one more bake sale or bible study to your day? Having a set time for meditation is helpful. Certain times can be blocked off naturally each day. Study time being one of those. We do our best to block off our time at night for our family. Some days are harder than others. Cell phones are turned on vibrate and emails go unchecked. There is nothing we can do or fix at 9 o’clock at night usually. What often seems urgent truly can wait.
3. Have an accountability partner. Share areas you struggle in and have them be a buffer for you. My husband helps me realistically look at my schedule and sometimes he will simply step in and say no for me. You need that person in your life who will look at you and say, I think you need to pray on that more. And prepare to get mad at them. Usually when truth is spoken that inner Martha comes out roaring!

May 2018 continue to be a year of sitting, not just serving!

The post Always a Martha, Never a Mary appeared first on A Life Inspired.

I was notified I had received a review on Amazon for my book. I always get butterflies when I go to read a reader’s review. There is always the fear they might hate it! As I scanned over the page, I saw the latest review and my heart stopped. The title was absolutely convicting and reminded me just how important my role in the home is.

This was the title of her review: “We are called to action, not just to be willing.” 

We are called to action, not just to be willing.
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The reviewer went on to say this:

“If you’d asked me before I began reading your book how comfortable I was in discussing these things with my child, I’d have said “I’m pretty confident!” But, my actions weren’t showing that because something really was holding me back. I didn’t want to say too much and I definitely didn’t want to repeat the parenting that I’d received about this subject and not say enough.

I’ve learned personally that just having a parent that is open and willing to discuss does not constitute actual training. As Godly parents we are called to action…not just willingness.”

Please stop right there and reflect on that part of this parent’s response. Many of us are willing to do whatever needs to be done for the sake of our children’s growth, but how many of us are actually doing it? Willingness is not enough and it is not actual training!

Willingness is not enough and it is not actual training.
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In Chapter Four of Walking the Talk, I break down some key points from age to age.

Preschoolers need to know the proper names of their body parts, how we are all wonderfully created as male and female and the beauty of the sanctity of human life. By middle school, parents should be using this time to prepare for the next phase of life and address the beauty of puberty and the importance of modesty while they are going through all these changes. By high school, we need to have already set (or begin setting) proper boundaries in the area of relationships and electronics as well as learning the importance of CPR listening skills. (Not sure what CPR stands for, go grab a copy of Walking the Talk for yourself or another parent!)

Boundaries have never been so important!

Boundaries have never been so important!
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As I sit around and discuss with parents the need for boundaries, I am no longer surprised at their shock when I share the many stories of  teen girls getting pregnant by the best friend’s brother or losing their virginity on the living room couch, their parents in the next room. The young adults were not supervised because the parent’s trusted them, they were only supposed to be studying and the two young people had been friends forever and weren’t “like that” with one another.

Our young adults are not fully able to process rewards/consequences independently just yet. It’s science.

The human brain is not fully developed until early 20’s.
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So what does that mean?

We cannot expect our young people to make decisions alone when their brains are not fully developed to understand the full ramifications of their actions. No one is saying they are mindless zombies (but sometimes I wonder). What I am saying is that they still needs hands-on parenting and that means us setting healthy boundaries.

3 Practical ways to help our children navigate their bodies and their brains:

1. Install software that can protect their time online. I shared an article on my Parent Forum about the best apps to install on electronics. Porn is an issue, parents. 7 out of 10 youth accidentally come across the porn on the computer.
2. Keep all electronics in the family area. I have a friend who does not allow any electronics in the bedrooms. PERIOD. At night, the phones and computers are put up and they don’t have access to them. Parents should periodically check their phones and search history. Just remember, trust is earned. It is not an entitlement like many believe.
3. Don’t leave children unsupervised in the home. If you work, make it a rule that no one is over at the house until a guardian is home. If your teen has their girlfriend/boyfriend over, keep it social and make it a game night. If they watch movies, the lights stay on, blankets are not shared (trust me on this) and you know what they are watching before its watched.  Kids 13-15 rank entertainment media as one of the main ways they learned about sex and those watching movies with high sexual content are twice as likely to engage in sexual intercourse.  And I know this might sound excessive, but I don’t recommend you allowing them to be alone without some type of supervision. Public, high traffic areas are highly encouraged.

And I recommend you sitting down as a family and erecting such boundaries prior to needing them. I will be honest and say I am struggling to fix issues about electronic use in our home. I thought the sites we allowed were safe, bully free zones but now I’m having to go back and install apps to keep certain sites from being used. As innocent as my children are, they are still children in need of my supervision. Not everyone has the best interest for your children and more than anything, not every child using a computer is being monitored. Computer/phone use takes constant monitoring and because I don’t have that time, we have decided to eliminate its use in the home for this season. Later, as my youngest matures, we will revisit the topic.

Training takes action. It takes us, as the parents, stepping up and not only being willing to protect our children’s heart and souls, but acting on their behalf.

I hope you find some encouragement and practical guidance in this read. For a copy of my book, go to Amazon or my website. If you wish to be a part of the parent forum and receive newsletter just about the book, click the image below!

The post Practical Ways to Build Healthy Boundaries for Your Children appeared first on A Life Inspired.

I am not known to keep my mouth closed when I see issues which need addressing. And I will admit, in former years, I did not use discernment in when to speak and when to remain silent. I offended a lot of people. I hurt them and relationships got uncomfortable due to my lack of discretion. I was left wondering if I was wrong in saying something. I questioned myself almost always when the passion faded from the thought.

Many times, it wasn’t the content of my message that was wrong, it was my heart behind it.
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But as I’ve matured in my spiritual life, I try to pray on things before I open my mouth. I let more stuff go than most give me credit for, but if I feel impressed to speak up, I do. And the results are often not any different than when I don’t use discretion. I offend. Relationships get uncomfortable. But here’s what doesn’t happen as much anymore. I don’t question if I should have spoken up. I don’t wonder if I was wrong in saying something.

Why?

The content of the message is the same, but I am coming from a place of love.
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Today, I was helping my daughter videotape some soccer skills for her Youtube channel. As I was holding the phone, she got an Instagram notification. I went into mom mode, itching to stop filming so I could click on the message. When she walked back over to retrieve the phone, I asked her to open up Instagram. Together, we read the message:

@”People are hurting and if candy coating the truth helps them cope, let them be.”

I was clueless what this meant so I asked for my daughter to explain. Long story short: Some kpop artist committed suicide and was clearly not a believer based on his own acknowledgment. Yet the astounding thought was he was in heaven because he was a good kid. My daughter lovingly shared with her IG followers the gaps in that thought. And where most people responded kindly (this was the worst message she received), most were astounded she would come to such a conclusion. When asked why she thought not all go to heaven, she shared God’s word. Her heart was breaking that so many had no idea how about their eternity.

Total transparency…..I was amazed she had been so bold, especially on social media where people bravely crucify you behind the safety of their computer screen. Could I have lovingly told someone what scripture actually said about eternity in that situation, knowing I might get nasty responses? It made me think.

Would I have stayed quiet so I wouldn’t have appear “less Christian?”

We take a vow of silence more than we care to admit. Loved ones in our lives are hopelessly lost and though we know we have the only message of hope, we remain silent. God has placed us in the paths of certain people and even though we are given chance after chance to speak truth to them, in love, we stay silent and  hope our presence in their lives will be enough; and sometimes it is, but often times it’s not. We don’t want to offend. We don’t want to push them away so we smile and nod our heads as they spiral further away from God.

Is that type of silence a godly response?

I recall the time when a dear friend had to make the decision to speak to me about the double life I was living. I was the Executive Director of a Nonprofit Ministry. I had clearly walked away from the church. During this time, I could be very hostile and mouthy. She knew I may never speak to her again, but she knew I needed to hear truth. She was the first person who was brave enough to asked me if I was truly a Christian or just one in theory.

My friend didn’t remain silent when many did. I know God used her to bring me to the starch realization that I was lost. I am thankful she was bold enough to speak up because she knew my eternity was at stake.

I often hear remarks that Jesus didn’t argue. He rarely spoke up. He simply loved those around Him and remained silent. People give an example of this godly attribute when Jesus remained silent in the face of His accusers before His death. But let me remind you He knew it was His purpose to die for our sins. He remained silent in order to finish what He was sent to do.

But during His life, Jesus drove thieves out of the temple with a whip and told them not to make His Father’s house a house of trade. (John 2:15) When Satan tried to temp Him during His 40 days in the wilderness, Jesus spoke the Word to the tempter. “It is written….” (Matthew 4:4)

And His followers did just the same. Paul is described as confounding and proving (Acts 9 and 22), reasoning and disputing (Acts 17:22), arguing, dialoguing and persuading because his ministry was described as the “defense and confirmation of the gospel.” (Phil 1:1).

I often wonder if the Disciples would have remained silent, where would we be now? Are we truly going to stay silent when the world so desperately needs TRUTH and we have it to give.

Do we remain silent when the world so desperately needs truth and we have it?
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There is a time and place to remain silent, and I can easily confuse those times like anyone else, but being silent when those we love are bound for an eternity of separation from Abba should break our hearts and give us the courage to speak up.

Silence is not always godly.

#breakthesilence

The post Silence Isn’t Always the Christian Thing To Do appeared first on A Life Inspired.

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“I literally hate the Old Testament. I refuse to read it.” 

This statement did not roll off the tongue of an atheist. It boldly spilled out of the mouth of our young music minister. I don’t recall the young man’s name, however, I do remember the deafening silence in the room. I look back now and wonder why no one followed up with a question, why no one refuted or agreed openly with his statement.  None of us seemed to know how to respond to him.

It is when my memories flash like this I wish I could go back and continue the dialogue. He wasn’t a bad guy, I just believe he had some bad logic. However, I think many think on these lines and its time we try to understand a book that is often misunderstood. (Warning: It will require effort…like you might actually have to study.)

I remember growing up and hearing lessons about the Old Testament stories in Sunday School. I remember marching around the room of my Sunday School room and singing about the Walls of Jericho and how they came tumbling down. I vaguely recall the mentioning of some pretty horrendous events that God seemed to ordain, sometimes wiping out entire nations, sparing not even the children. The God of the Old Testament was depicted in such a frightening light I was afraid to question anything I read. He was always so angry with everyone. I just wanted to stay off His radar. I read what happened when someone didn’t, so I decided to retire that section of the Bible and focus on the good part where Jesus showed up. BUT…..

When you skip Old Testament scripture, you miss beautiful truths pointing to Jesus!
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So like God often does, He invited me to reread the pages of the Old Testament with a new pair of lens last year. And I felt compelled to make the reading of the OT as my family’s bible study time. (Really Lord? Do you want them afraid and totally turned off to you so soon?!)

Oh how the pages drew us in and whispered truths I had never understood before! Instead of seeing a tyrant, disconnected deity, I saw a God who truly loved His children. I no longer saw a dictator who slaughter anyone who disagreed, but a righteous Father who extended grace time and time again to protect His children.

I was reintroduced to Jehovah in the pages of the Old Testament.
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And as I continue to study the 39 books so many of us misunderstand, myself included, I am introduced, again and again, to some beautiful truths tucked away in the threads of the Old Testament.

God’s heart is always for His children.
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Even in times where He appears to be harsh in His punishments, His heart is always to protect and set His children apart. I look at the story of Adam and Eve and no longer see a God who was so angry He threw them out of the garden, but took them out so He could redeem them. If they had stayed inside and partook of the Tree of Life, they would never die and would be forever encased in their sin without any hope. (Genesis 3:22) Our sin kept us from being able to fulfill His plan and because His heart was always for us, He made a way through Jesus.

The OT Scriptures point to the coming Messiah.
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It is a beautiful masterpiece woven piece by piece. The coming Messiah was not kept a secret, but a repeated revelation of God spoken to His people throughout the Old Testament. The prophecies of Jesus’ arrival were not scattered throughout the OT and they were definitely not random.

Here are some of the definite clues about this coming that God gave in the Old Testament: (article referencing scripture can be found here)

• The Messiah would be the seed/offspring of a woman and would crush the head of Satan (Genesis 3:15).
• He would come from the seed/offspring of Abraham and would bless all the nations on earth (Genesis 12:3).
• He would be a “prophet like Moses” to whom God said we must listen (Deuteronomy 18:15).
• He would be born in Bethlehem of Judah (Micah 5:2).
• He would be born of a virgin (Isaiah 7:14).
• He would have a throne, a kingdom and a dynasty, or house, starting with King David, that will last forever (2 Samuel 7:16).
• He would be called “Wonderful Counselor,” “Mighty God,” “Everlasting Father,” “Prince of Peace,” and would possess an everlasting kingdom (Isaiah 9:6-7).
• He would ride into Jerusalem on a donkey, righteous and having salvation, coming with gentleness (Zechariah 9:9-10).
• He would be pierced for our transgression and crushed for our iniquities (Isaiah 53:5).
• He would die among the wicked ones but be buried with the rich (Isaiah 53:9).
• He would be resurrected from the grave, for God would not allow His Holy One to suffer decay (Psalm 16:10).
• He would come again from the clouds of heaven as the Son of Man (Daniel 7:13-14).
• He would be the “Sun of Righteousness” for all who revere Him and look for His coming again (Malachi 4:2).
• He is the One whom Israel will one day recognize as the One they pierced, causing bitter grief (Zechariah 12:10).

Each prophecy was built upon the next so that His people could see He could be trusted.
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God worked to reveal His plan throughout history! This is only scratching the surface of the beauty of God’s Word. But until we understand His nature we will always misunderstand His ways.

Until we understand His nature we will always misunderstand His ways.
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Let me encourage you to go take another look at Old Testament scripture. A great book I have found helpful is listed here:

The post Why People Misunderstand the Old Testament appeared first on A Life Inspired.