I am a master of assumption.
This “ability” to assume people can follow my train of thought has often been detrimental to communication more times than I care to admit. Usually the “victims” of my assumptions are close friends and yes, sadly, my husband. He reminds me I should not assume he can follow along in the conversations, especially since it is rarely specific and often sporadic thoughts I discuss. (I promise nothing different in this post though!)
“You remember that time we went to that place and meet up with so and so?” Ummm, no, he doesn’t.
And as light of an example this might be, there are dangers in assuming too much in situations and of people.
Since I am in trenches of parenthood, I would like to share an example that is very fresh (as in, happened two hours ago.)
My daughter is a thinker and likes to fix things and people. My son is a sensitive loaner and somewhat rebellious to the helping hand of others. Basically, they are me at different stages of my life and therefore, my payback. (I am only slightly serious.)
My son was struggling with a math problem and I wasn’t available at the moment to answer his question. My daughter decided to help, trying to explain why he was doing the problem wrong. It went bad. The next thing I know, Riley storms into my room exasperated. “He’s impossible mom. He thinks he knows everything! And he called me stupid.”
To make this long story short, if even possible, my son assumed my daughter was trying to “boss” him around by how she gave her instruction. Through his negative reaction to her instruction, she assumed he thought she was stupid.
We have all been there, especially in this age of technology. We send a text or an email, assuming the recipient will hear our heart and it’s received wrong because they assumed a tone or a thought that was never implied. Social media is full of such examples due largely to assumptions.
I want to take a turn and look at how assuming can drastically hinder our parenting. Just as assumption will bring offense and division, assumption will also blind us from our true focus.
As parents, we assume a lot. We assume our children are prepared for the world and yet often, are blind-sided when they succumb to it. We assume they know to not have sex because of that one abstinence event they attended two years ago. We assume because we take them to church they understand what they are hearing from the pulpit and can apply it.
We assume a lot but are doing very little to prepare our children.
So how do we push back on our assumptions?
- Fully accept your spiritual charge to your family
A lot of us are nothing but lip service in this area. We say we understand the God-given role to our families yet what we say and what we do look very different. I hear parents all the time make the statement, “Well, I think they know not to do [that]. Well, at least I hope they do.” I don’t want to put my faith in what I assume. We know God’s truth. We know His Great Commission. So once you understand your charge, instead of assuming all is well, be proactive in the charge.
2. Be proactive instead of reactive.
When is the last time you sat down with your children and led them in prayer or bible study? What are you doing to prepare your children for a world craving Truth? I had a dear friend tell me she didn’t want to wait until she had teenagers rebelling before she took her spiritual charge seriously. I see it daily. God is placing an urgency in the hearts of believers. I watch in awe daily as I see another parent’s eyes being opened to their calling to their family. Some times, the realization happens only after their assumptions are crushed in the wake of truth.
I accept the charge God has given me to my family. I don’t want to go through my life assuming anymore. There is eternity at stake.
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